Mar 25, 2010

just want to get something out of my chest...

well... a lot of things have eben bugging me lately.. n i hated it.. i mean a lot...



first thing....

how would you feel if you tell someone ur secret, that sumone tells it to the person involved in the secret? x cm nk saket aty lak kn.. tp i xtaw la... i am just making speculations... but i have gut feeling that is wht is happening now.. yes, i do know i turst people easily... but i do expect that person to respect me ... as in respect n not tell whtever secret i told to that person... i just have a gut feeling... i DO!!!!!!! i dnt know why.... n somehow that certain person who is telling the secret (maybe ..mybe not..) dont like me... cz i used to say hi to that person.., but now? its as if i never existed... **its a **** if *** is not doing wht i think *** is doing, then i m sorry for thinking bad stuff about you.. but if u R telling, please stop,.... i just want to be friends witht the person involved..



second thing..

i never really showed people how i feel deep deep deep deep deep inside... (yes, too deep to tell) but at some point i really just wanna cry... people has been expecting great things out of me ..but guys... im just a girl.. im not perfect n sometimes i myself need love n care n tenderness.... but now? people are going around n expecting me to do amazing n great stuff... i mean like.. WTF??!! they dont know the pressure im in... n yet all they wnt to do is talk bad stuff about me.. enough is enough... i've been getting dat since i was in primary school... yes, i do a better job than you? so, wht? buzz off!! if you think u cn do better than me, TAKE it... i dnt give a shit!



third thing...

you know how people say learn to forgive and forget? well, sometimes, u cn forget but u just cnt forgive n vice versa..n sometimes both... well, dat is wht i feel... i cnt forgive nor forget... certain memories dat i went through just wasnt worth living.. n worth being even remembered.. tp kekadang..,. haty saket sgt dgn knangan2 lalu.. lg2 mse skolah menengah... high school was meant to be fun,. not A LIVING HELL!!! n yes..u guys made it a living hell... yes, i myself take the blame but sometimes you shits just think dat u guys r better tahn me... REALITY CHECK... U're GODDAMN WRONG!! U'RE JUST AS WORSE AS ANY OTHER ... n i just hate it.. u people walk around as if people will bow down to you n listen every bitching word you say....

come on... i know its a long time..kang org kata shaf mengungkit.. but these r the things that haunts me all the time.. never miss... yes, im not perfect... so, u're gonna use dat againts me?

fourth thing..
wht i am... yes,i am a control freak!! i like to be involved in leadership stuff... so wht if im involved in it? ko yg xnk involve, nk halang aq lak kn... ko sape, syial?? nk halang aq.. ske aty aq la nk wt pew pown.. kalau ye pown nk dengki, xpyh la dengki cre mcm ne... buang mse ko.. ko pkir aq makan ke saman ko? takot pown x!!

fifth thing...
this is something personal.. all i want to say is dat i have been seeking ur forgiveness for 3 weeks..n close to a month now.. but why wont you just accept me the way i am? why wont you forgive me? what did i did dat made u so pist? you know wht, i could not recall anymore why we r fighting now... a month...a month... come on... as pressured as i am.. i am still waiting.. thnx to a certain akak yg sntiasa bersama sy n helping me... sayang akak... =) please.... stop the silent treatment... i wanna be able to celebrate my birthday with you... please...

the reason i wrote this thing is bcoz im under tons n tons of pressuere..i dnt wanna do stupid stuff.. so, i guess blogging is my way of releasing myself... no more blade or knife n such.,... those days r gone...

>.< now i feel better....

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